charlotte is alive and well and scurrying haphazardly not eight inches from whence this cometh. in true cinematastic fashion, sequels are destined for char's smaller but no less significant/o scurries in kind across the monitor, triple time to her two.
major deja-freaking-vu while typing that just now. it wasn't a bad one at all, but still. so vivid. phew, shudder.
you may think you do, but chances are about 99.999999% to the naught that you do.
no one does, actually. sometimes not even me.
although.......
i did recently see the likewise reflection of me in another's eyes.......
3 o'clock in the morning listlessly wandering the fluorescented aisles of the neighborhood mass marketing conglomerate.
an underlying point went along the lines of how their mythical (yeah, right, right?) website of "befriends.com" should be held legally responsible for the death of a mom whose daughter blogged on the site for the same.
personally i await the day the buy-it-on-a-whim-of-an-impulse-while-manic.com sites are held more accountable for taking full monetary advantage of people's illnesses in the way they do. they get rich while people's lives can be easily destroyed at the simple click of a key. it is certainly one of the true curses of the instrument in our lives that is the internet.
guess i would be remiss if i didn't offer a fix. how about.......
a couple of log-on screens that one must, absolutely MUST click through and acknowledge first before continuing on to purchase an item. the content of that or those screens being that yes, one is in full control of one's faculties and yes, one's financial situation is such that one will still be able to provide food on the table, lights and heat in the house, and gas in the car that will take one to work the morning after making the very next will-happen-in-the-flash-of-a-keystroke intended online purchase.
yeah, i know, laughable at best, but if it saved one poor soul heartache, their familial relationships, possibly even their very life, it would be worth its weight in the multiple fur lined gold lamee jumpsuits they absolutely could not breathe another breath without.
situational-induced mania v. inherited (genetic) mania?
just one aspect of either. when one is experiencing that symptom, when one is flying, bouncing off the walls, one can't help but dwell on why it is that the "professionals" can't segregate the symptoms better than they are.
what one receives as a dx, as a diagnosis can depend totally on what one's "doctor" believes actually exists.
guess that would be like anything else, but when you are living it in the moment, it sure would be nice to know definitively once and for all.
no matter how hard we try to be anyone's image of picture perfect, we're gonna p#ss off someone somewhere sometimes. the best we can hope to do is.......
be true to ourselves.......
be true to that in which we dearly believe.......
be kind to and respectful of others along the way.......
if they then choose to block us out under those circumstances, it is their deal, not ours.
too much else to be done, too little time to do it in.
35.
hurts.
apparently using a kerosene heater in here is like trying to put out a fire by peeing on it.
good news is....... cold preserves, right?
bad news is....... one knows there are so many others out there in this and much, much worse. in some cases, there is someone else who, in an act of abuse or rage, has deliberately put those people there.
when viewed against its collective priorities, our world is sick.
very, very sick.
was watching pearl harbor on usa ("characters welcome") last night. at some point during the movie, the franklin delano roosevelt character said something along the lines of, "every hour of every day, i wondered 'why me'. perhaps this is why."
the movie's presidential character of roosevelt was referring to his own physical disability with something to the effect of that perhaps it had become a part of him to prepare him, to make him strong enough to develop the courage to follow through on wwii. real life history record of that time period reflects the result to be something akin to dogged determinedness, "never give up", as the roosevelt character in some semblance relayed during the above diatribe.
every hour of every day, those same words echo from here. may they never disappear nor be forgotten because they somehow help drive the soul for change. wishing only the same for those so many others for whom, every hour of every day, the same seems to echo endlessly, echo eternally until we finally discover the wonder why.
your last days were spent your way, and that's what matters most to your friends. you will be dearly missed
may you ever sing with the angels,
soar with the eagles........
how the h#ll does one manage to f/ing forget a holiday within hours of having acknowledged it?
ON the very day of the holiday?
